- Show that you are listening to the other person. Avoid distractions, such as having your phone out. Nod your head or use simple statements, like “mm-hmm”, “that makes sense”, “yeah”, “I understand”, or “yes” to demonstrate your attention to what is being said.
- Ask open-ended questions (not yes or no questions) when you need clarification. Examples: “Can you tell me what is most upsetting to you?” “Do you know why you feel that way?”
- Affirm or validate what the other person and is saying and show empathy. For example, if someone says “I get upset when you don’t do your share of the work,” you could say: “I understand that that makes you upset, and why it makes you upset. I will try to do better.”
- Use “encouragers” to show the other person that you want them to share more. Examples: “What was that like for you?” “Can you tell me more about that?”
- Reflect what you are seeing. Examples: “I can see that this makes you upset.” “You said that you are not sad, but I think you look like you might be sad. Am I wrong?”
- Summarize what the other person has told you if this feels appropriate. Example: “Thank you for telling me that. I understand now that you get worried when I don’t check in.”
Pay attention to your body language (e.g., posture, movements, gestures) when you are interacting with others. Does it match what you are communicating? If not, why do you think this is the case? What does you body language tell the other person? Does it show empathy/sympathy or a lack of concern? Also, pay attention to your tone of voice. Does your tone come off as angry or resentful? If so, you might want to work on regulating your emotions so that you can use a calm tone of voice.
Also see: Communication Skills Part 2; Communication Skills Part 3; Communication Skills Part 4