Communication Skills – Feedback Sandwich and I Statements
If we have to give someone criticism or feedback it is helpful to frame it in a way that will not damage the relationship, and will not trigger reactance (the adoption of contrary behaviors / beliefs in response to pressure or criticism). The feedback sandwich is helpful in both personal (examples: friends, family, romantic partners) and professional relationships.
A very helpful way to frame criticism or feedback is in the form of a “sandwich” — that is, to sandwich the critical statement between two positive or praising statements.
This approach shows the person that we value them and appreciate what they are doing right, and not just focusing on what we believe they are doing wrong. (How many times have you been frustrated in life by people only pointing out what they think you did wrong, but never mentioning all the good things you have done?)
Practice:
- Imagine you are a manager at a workplace. One of your workers is doing a great job, but they are coming in very late nearly every day. What would you say to them using the above approach?
- You care deeply about your partner and they are very supportive of you, however, they are spending more and more time with their friends and less time with you.
I Statements
“I statements” can also be helpful when communicating things that might be upsetting. When using an I statement we are saying how we feel, rather than making accusations or statements of fact.
Anyone can dispute our version of the facts, but they cannot dispute how we feel. Saying how we feel helps the person understand where we are coming from, and why we are feeling the way we do.
Also, I statements are much more conducive to compromise and understanding. Accusations or statements of fact, on the other hand, often cause people to go on the defensive (examples: “I don’t do that!” “You are the one that does that!”).