Folk wisdom is usually sold as “common sense”. It is the popular beliefs, attitudes, and opinions of the masses — the dominant culture at large. Folk wisdom is expressed in pop culture media, and often uncritically repeated by common people.
It’s fairly common to come across a social media profile that is riddled with folk wisdom memes — those pithy clichés that purport to offer general life advice, relationship advice, “spiritual” guidance, etc. If you have been on social media for more than a few days you probably know what I am talking about.
Recently I came across one of those profiles that was filled with these. One read: “Hold on to those you love. You never know when they will be gone forever.” Ironically, a few posts down: “Never be afraid to cut toxic people out of your life — even family. They aren’t worth the drama.”
Surely the sentiment expressed in the former meme is good general advice, and the sentiment expressed in the latter meme might apply in certain situations; however, it’s also clear to see how these little sayings could be seen to offer contradictory advice — depending on how one interprets them.
Besides the fact that these adages seem somewhat contradictory, there’s the highly personal question of when does someone reach the level of being “toxic”, and therefore deserving of being cut off from your life. Surely you can love those who are highly problematic in your life, and even benefit from your relationship with them — so how do we know whether we should cut them off or hold onto them no matter what? (If one were to take the latter meme too much to heart they might start jettisoning people from their lives left and right! This wouldn’t be good. A strong social support network is essentially a prerequisite to the good life.)
There is no right answer because what is right, or manageable, or sensible will vary from situation to situation, and person to person — based on their unique circumstances.
A more philosophically sophisticated statement might put it like this: “Try to hold on to those you love, but develop healthy boundaries with them so that they cannot create insurmountable problems in your life.” This is much better advice, and people would do well to follow it, but it doesn’t fit nicely into meme format, and it doesn’t leave the reader with the satisfaction of having found a simple answer to their problem.
Those who give in to the allure of simplistic folk wisdom solutions are likely to find themselves pulled in a hundred different directions: “Look before you leap” / “He who hesitates loses”; “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” / “Out of sight out of mind”; “Good guys finish last” / “You’ll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.”
Folk wisdom sayings and bumper sticker slogans have their place in communication, but they tend to over-simplify complex issues and they can cause confusion — especially when people over-value them. Even when these aphorisms communicate a general truth, there will always be exceptions when their truth doesn’t hold. (Note: Some contain more truth than others; interestingly, there has been some research conducted to examine the truth claims of various folk wisdom clichés.
So, in summary, don’t assume that folk wisdom is a good guide when making life decisions. Life is extremely complicated, and therefore legitimate wisdom must accommodate this complexity and draw upon reason and evidence. Such wisdom is difficult to convey in a meme or adage format.
What is best for you in your particular situation depends on a number of factors and variables that no one knows better than you. Contrary to what many people believe — like those who share folk wisdom quotes online or in conversation — there are no absolute truths, simple answers, or easy solutions. If you need help sorting through the complexity, consider talking to a mental health professional or a philosophical counselor.